Grades N–2

For our youngest children, the main goal is to help the child sustain a sense of trust in the environment. This means carefully monitoring them for signs of stress, and calmly responding to their questions as these come up. The most crucial elements in the environment for the very youngest children are the adults who care for them. Therefore, as much as possible, we must comport ourselves with confidence and equanimity, demonstrating to the youngest among us that they are in good hands.

Monitor for signs of stress including difficulty separating from parents, excessive fears for parent safety, bad dreams, lack of sleep, repeated questioning and physical issues such as headaches, stomach pain. During this time of stress, work on staying connected, making sure there is family time and being watchful.

Let your children take the lead and allow them to guide the conversation with their questions. Children typically ask questions that are appropriate to their developmental stage. Answer them simply, without added detail or inference. Empathize with their feelings. Let them know "it is ok to feel _____ " (use their words). Empathizing can quiet anxiety over a situation. Reassure their safety by mentioning all of the people that work to keep them safe at school and in the community. Lastly, they will take their cues from you, so try to have the conversation when you feel you can be calm and reassuring yourself.

Once the child has indicated they are done talking about it, the parent should respect this, and allow the child to bring it up again if and when they feel the need to do so.

Lower School

Parents should monitor their children for signs of stress which may or may not be verbalized and watch for any signs of changes in typical behaviors. Answering questions as they come up is a good strategy, and avoid answering questions your child has not asked. Lower school children are more capable than younger children of dealing with concrete facts about the world. It is useful to remind them that the adults around them are taking care of things so they can continue to learn, grow, explore, and express themselves. Whatever is necessary to ensure the child's sense of trust in the environment must be maintained. Doing things that you enjoy, sticking to your normal routines, and being with friends and family help make us feel better and keep us from worrying.

Other suggestions include:

• Limit access to media resources; Media coverage can produce increased fears and anxiety in children.The more time children spend watching coverage of tragic events, the more likely they are to have negative reactions.
• Graphic images and news stories of chaos, injury, and death are especially upsetting to children.
• Monitor your conversations with other adults. Be careful of what you and other adults say about the school closing or the media coverage in front of kids; children often listen when adults are unaware and may misunderstand what they hear.
• Make time to talk. Let children's questions be your guide as to how much information to provide. Watch for clues that they may want to talk, such as hovering around while you do the dishes. Some kids prefer writing, playing music, or doing an art project as an outlet. Concrete activities such as drawing, looking at picture books, or imaginative play can help them identify and express their feelings.

Middle and High School

Sometimes adults can be surprised by the directness of the questions posed by middle and high school children, and it is important to honor the question in spite of our surprise and (at times) discomfort with what is being asked. Students may be more vocal in asking questions about whether they truly are safe and what is being done at their school. They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy. It is an important time to listen to their concerns, to absorb their message, and to reflect back to them what we know and how we are all working to keep school a safe place.

Wrestling with challenging questions that may not have definitive answers is a scary and developmentally appropriate task for middle schoolers that can be encouraged and supported by adults who normalize the process while providing structure and consistency.

High schoolers may seem like adults, but they are not adults in a psychological sense. They will want to discuss what is happening, and it is easy, especially with bright high schoolers, to think that they will be able to handle the manifold complexities of a situation such as this one. It is safest to assume that they may be able to handle it in terms of intellectual understanding, but not in terms of emotional integration.

Some additional suggestions for middle and high school students include:

• Conversation: be open to talking with your children. Encourage them to talk about their concerns and to express their feelings. Students may have strong and varying opinions about the causes of violence. They may share concrete suggestions about how to make school safer and how to prevent tragedies. Emphasize the role that students have in maintaining safe schools by being observant, following school safety guidelines, and participating in drills that are designed to train us all. Also, adolescents can be part of the positive solution by seeking help from an adult if they or a peer is struggling with anger, depression, or other emotions they cannot control.
• Information flow: your children will be getting their information from a variety of sources, among them social media, so it is important for you to help them weigh the value and appropriateness of the information they are receiving and passing on. In seeking answers, your children may be overly focused on the flow of information around this. Please consider monitoring their online activity and guiding them toward official sources of news and updates.
• Warning signs: recognize behavior that may indicate your child is concerned. Teens and adolescents may minimize their concerns outwardly, but may become argumentative, withdrawn, or allow their school performance to decline. Seek help when necessary. If you are worried about your child's reaction or have ongoing concerns about his/her behavior or emotions, contact your child's school counselor or your healthcare provider.
• Routine: We cannot emphasize enough how important it is to maintain routines, even with the most mature high schoolers. Routines can help create a sense of safety, so do things that you enjoy and stick to normal routines, like being with friends and family. Conversely, a temporary adjustment in some routines may also create a sense of safety for you and your family.
• At school: Encourage your children to speak with their counselors, who are there to support them in the days to come. Students may seek them out whenever they need to throughout the day.

For parents

• 13 Tips on How to Talk to Children About Diversity and Difference
• Beyond the Golden Rule: A Parent's Guide to Preventing and Responding to Predjudice
• Teaching Children About Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion
• Expanding the Circle: Teaching Children Inclusion
• Talking to Children After Racial Incidents
• Teaching Your Child About Peers With Special Needs
• 5 Ways Parents Can Talk to Kids About LGBTQ Identity
• Talking to Kids About Discrimination
• Teaching Kids to Respect Other Religions

For teachers

• What’s Missing from the Conversation: The Growth Mindset in Cultural Competency
• Teaching Young Children About Bias, Diversity, and Social Justice
• “Dialogues Across Differences” Prepare Students for Life Beyond the Bubble
• How Schools Can Build Unity in Divided Times
• Six Ways to Stand Behind Your LGBT Students
• 6 Strategies for Creating a Nurturing Classroom for Your LGBT Students
• 10 Tips for Teaching About Invisible Disabilities and Bullying

Suicide Awareness and Prevention

• What a parent can do
• Get help now
• Preventing youth suicide: tips for parents and educators

Important Phone Numbers

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
• The Trevor Project Lifeline
• Illinois Department of Children and Family Services
• Crisis Text Line—24/7 Crisis Counselor Support
• Teen Line
• Connect Safely—Resources for Youth in Crisis

Resources for students, teachers, and families

• How to talk about mental health issues (Child Mind Institute)
• Mental health myths and facts (US Department of Health and Human Services)
• Facts for families guide (American Academy Child & Adolescent Psychiatry)
• Mindfulness: Good for you and your students (Teaching Tolerance)
• Responding to trauma in your classroom (Teaching Tolerance)
• Stress management: Using self-help techniques for dealing with stress (HelpGuide)
• Self-care resources (Mindful Teachers)

For Teachers:

• How Trauma Affects Kids in School
• The How and Why of Trauma-Informed Teaching
• Trauma-Informed Teaching: What You Need to Know
• Trauma-Informed Teaching Strategies
• Child Trauma Toolkit For Educators
• Anti-Racist, Trauma-Informed Teaching

For Parents:

• Age Related Reactions to Traumatic Events
• Signs of Trauma in Children 
• Trauma-Response Guides in Different Languages