LEAVING

It wasn't as if they were bad parents, I knew they loved me, but I had to get away. I felt I had a lot going for me that I couldn't get done in my small town. I needed somewhere where I could express myself, where people were more open-minded, and where I would finally be happy. Getting on the bus to New York was not difficult for me. Friday morning the bus left, but did not leave much behind.

When I arrived in one of the busiest cities in the world, instead of feeling perplexed, I was actually calm. I had nowhere to stay, and only enough money to last a couple weeks, but I was finally where I wanted to be: the intellectual center of the world I named this great city, although some would argue that it definitely would not.

I smoothed my hair and stepped eagerly off the blue and gray bus. As the roar of the bus grew distant, it was replaced by other sounds: honk, slam, crash. I then was not sure where to go from there. In my mind I knew exactly where I wanted to be, but my feet did not understand.

I wandered around aimlessly for over an hour, observing the thousands of busy people who all acted as if they were late for something very important. This was nothing like my small-town home.

It was beginning to get dark now, and the never sleeping streets of the city all seemed to glow a neon color. I had no place to stay, and not enough money for a decent hotel room, so I considered what my options were, and wandered into a side alley. I was looking for a warm place to sleep, but wasn't sure what I would find. I opted for the spot behind a pile of boxes rather than the large overflowing dumpster. Most people would be terrified and disgusted to spend a night in an alley of a city full of criminals and drug dealers, but I thought of it more as an adventure rather than an obstacle. This was the new experience I had wanted.

I settled down a bit, and found a large opening in-between two of the boxes. I peered through the crack, but was disappointed at what I saw. The city looked dingy and disheveled, not as glamorous as it had before, with the bright sunlight glinting off the skyscrapers. There was no consolation in this city. I had no one to talk to, and no place that I felt comfortable. I was beginning to wonder why I had come, and found myself wishing that I could be at home. This city may have what I was looking for, but I don't think I was ready to find my true self yet. I still needed time to grow up and figure out exactly what I want.

I'm not old enough to know what I really desire, and not old enough to be all alone. The mystery of my journey was gone, and all that I could think about now was that I was stuck next to a pile of sagging boxes, in an alley crawling with rodents. I missed the comfort and security of my parents and my familiar small town.

I lay down, using my pillow as a sweatshirt, and eventually drifted off to sleep. The next morning I stepped swiftly back onto the same plain gray and blue bus.