Props
Manager (Fiona Which): Dress, glasses, crutch, sling, apron, cook book, fake cake and tray.
Gretel: Coat hanger.
Hansel: Fake credit cards, fake money and phone
Doors: Nothing
Mom: Apron and phone
Old lady: Blanket and cane
Homeless: Tin cup with pennies in it and blanket.
Room servers: 2 fake pies.
Manager (Fiona Which): Gold cloth to tie around waist, tray and candy.
(Hansel and Gretel are sitting down and are playing video games.)
Hansel: Gotcha.
Gretel: Nuh uh ( They scream and shout at each other.)
Dad: (Dad walks in.) Kids! What did you to the lawn outside. It's all burnt up. We're going to have to call those landscapers in again.
Hansel: Dad it's just some acid nothing to make a big fuss about.
Dad: Go upstairs now!
Gretel: Dad you're blocking the T.V.
Dad: NOW!
Gretel: (They whisper to each other.) Fine dad we'll go upstairs.
Mom: Honey, you shouldn't talk to the children that way.
Dad: Those children need discipline, and they need it right now.
Homeless: Help the homeless. Help the homeless. ( Mney taken from old man by Hansel.) Hey give me my money.
Old lady: Do you know wear Oliver street is?
Gretel: No, you freak.
Hansel: (Hansel and Gretel wander around.) The gingerbread hotel. (Reading the sign)
Gretel: What a dump!
Hansel: Well we have to stay somewhere.
Gretel: Okay. (They go in.)
Manager (Fiona Which): (Walks on stage.) Welcome to the Ginger bread hotel. (Holds out a plate of candy.) Please take one.
(Hansel and Gretel grab all the candy off the plate)
Manager (Fiona Which): Kids.
Gretel: Who owns this dump?
Manager: (Goes on stage.) Oh I do, you poor little children. (Squeezes their cheeks.)
Hansel: We want a room.
Gretel: Get off of me lady!
Hansel: We want a room.
Manager (Fiona Which): You need more than a room you need some fattening up.
Hansel: But we need a room!
Manager (Fiona Which): Bellhop, take them to the best room in the house.
( Manager (Fiona Which) walks off stage.)
Bellhop: Come on kids.
(Bellhop and kids walk off down stage.)
Manager (Fiona Which): I can't wait to start cooking for those poor little children!
Bellhop: Here we are the seventh floor.
Hansel: But we want the penthouse!
Bellhop: Ok, this way.
( Manager (Fiona Which) walks across the stage.)
Manager (Fiona Which): Eggs, flour, butter, sugar.......
Bellhop: Here we are the penthouse............call me if you need me.
( Bellhop puts her hand out for tip and Gretel gives her a candy)
Gretel: This place doesn't even have cable.
Hansel: Let's make some prank phone calls.
Gretel: Okay.
Hansel: (Dials on the phone.) Hello?
Room server: Hello, room service?
Hansel: Is your refrigerator running?
Room server: Yes, why?
Hansel: Then go catch it!
Room server: Good Lord, it's the children in the penthouse again!
Hansel: This time you call and get some food.
Gretel: Redial. Hello
Room server: Hello, room service.
Gretel: We'd like 2 whipped creamed pies, 2 chocolate sundaes with a cherry on top...
Room server: Will that be all for today, Miss?
Gretel: Yes.
(Ding Dong!)
Room service: We're here! (Two servers enter with cream pies in their hands.)
Gretel: (They open the door) Oh, yum, whipped cream pie. (Gretel and Hansel smash the pies into their faces.)
Room server 1: I'm phoning the manager.
Room server 2: Me too! ( They both stamp off the stage in an angry fluster.)
Manager: Hello, it's the manager.
Hansel: Quick let's hide in the closet.
Gretel: OK.
Manager: Kids I brought your cake and goodies.
Both: We're in here.
Manager: Oh no the door is locked! Give me your finger so I know who much I need to feed you.
( They stick out a hanger in instead of their finger.)
Manager (Fiona Which): Oh! I'll start cooking right now.
(Manager (Fiona Which) walks off stage and comes on again with a cake and the key.)
Manager: Here's a cake and I found the key! You guys must need some fresh air.
(Whisper.)
Both: Yeah we need some fresh air. (Snicker.) Help me open the window. (Push her out the window.)
Manager: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!
(A thump is heard offstage. Comes back on with a crutch and an arm in sling.)
Now you know the real story!